They're Watching (2016)

Running Time: 1hr 35min

Release Date: March 25, 2016

Directed/Written by: Jay Lender & Micah Wright

Review by: Stacey

Adam and I decided to stay in bed about an hour or two longer than usual on Sunday because, duh, lazy.  In between re-runs of Bar Rescue we started watching one of the many home improvement shows on HGTV because we'll never have the money to make unneccessary renovations to our house and because they're just plain addicting to watch.  Have you ever wondered what would happen if the crew from one of those shows had to film in rural Europe but ended up stumbling across some superstitious locals who have a heavy disdain for witches?  No?  Well, too bad, because 2016's They're Watching answers that for you.

Behind the helm were Jay Lender (writer, SpongeBob Squarepants) and Micah Wright (writer, Call of Duty: Black Ops II), whose body of work doesn't exactly mirror the subject matter involved in a horror movie.  Ok, to be fair, They're Watching is labelled a horror-comedy and leans more heavily on the comedic side than anything.  Unfortunately, I think these guys are going to need a bit more practice if they intend on making any more films in the genre.

The crew of a home improvement show head to Moldova in Eastern Europe (it was actually Romania) to film a follow-up episode about an American woman who purchased a rundown house in the woods.  With the obvious cultural divide, there's a misunderstanding and the crew (and homeowner) become under attack from the superstitious locals.

I was actually really excited for this movie because it seemed like it was going to be one of those fun, meta-type deals that ends up becoming an underground classic.  I say "underground" because since it's release, I hadn't heard so much as a peep from anyone else about the quality of the movie; I think there was a reason why.

I think my biggest complaint would have to be the pacing.  Boy, did it draaaag.  30 min. into the movie and we still weren't really introduced to any conflict.  Just a lotttt of exposition regarding the crew.  It was until we were just hitting the third act did we get any real action from the movie.  Adam even called it and said "Is this going to be one of those movies where nothing happens until the last 10 minutes?".  Oh, and it's found footage, which isn't a turn off to me (I actually enjoy the sub-genre), but I know a lot of you out there turn your noses up to it, so that alone might be a major strike against the movie.

Now there won't be any major spoilers in here regarding those final 10-15 min, but I will say the CGI was atrocious!  I like to think that it was purely intentional as a goof considering it wasn't a movie that took itself too seriously, but c'mon, goof or not, your viewers would still appreciate some fancy effects- even if it involves carnivorous frogs.  Which brings me to the WTF-factor of this movie because in those final minutes, it takes a sharp left into straight crazytown.  I wouldn't say it was unexpected (the reveal is most definitely predictable), because what unfolds during that climax isn't shocking, it's the manner in which they chose to handle it, including the CG effects.  Holy hell, it was not good, y'all.

To give They're Watching some credit, the actors weren't awful at all.  They were actually entertaining, especially Kris Lemche (Final Destination 3, Ginger Snaps) as cameraman, Alex.  Of course you had your typical characters, including the insufferable host of the show, Kate (Carrie Genzel), and their zany, European guide, Vladimir (Dimitri Diatchenko).

They're Watching had some potential to be a really fun comedy/horror, it really did, which made it all the more of a bummer that it failed to satisfy.  Despite what the actors/characters brought to the table, it just couldn't save itself from being a miss in the genre.

1/5

Check out the trailer below!